My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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