You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
