I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
