I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
