You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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