I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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