woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
