If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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