umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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