I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We left the knife in your bed.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
