You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
