he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
