I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
