Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
