i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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