just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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