Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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