i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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