I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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