we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
