also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
