Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just puked most of my soul out..
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