we made out on top of his cat.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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