And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
