I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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