Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize