You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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