at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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