Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
