We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
