Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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