honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
