Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
