my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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