Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
