is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
