I love watching others lives come down to our level.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize