I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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