I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
