i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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