He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
