Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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