idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
