Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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