I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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