Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Couch. On fire.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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