after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
