I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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