I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
