So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
