that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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