it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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