I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
