apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize