She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
