Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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