I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
