i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
