Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You pole danced in your parka.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
