I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
