At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
