he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Everclear isn't food dammit
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
