well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
