It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
