hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
