are you so shy because you have an std?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
