The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
