Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
