How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
