I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
