I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
