Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
