you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
