Got a toothbrush?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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