oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.