just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?