Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.