my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.