This is not my ceiling
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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